Facebook Anxiety Clinic

Making Marriage Work Part 1

The Relationship Magna Carta

March 8, 2021

By Todd Kaufman

Registered Psychotherapist


The Relationship Magna Carta
Making It Work for the Long Haul

A Beautiful Powerful Tradition

There is a beautiful and powerful tradition in certain Eastern cultures that is profoundly helpful in ensuring your relationship survives the long haul.  I’m amazed that this wonderful and effective tradition has not been adopted in Western Cultures.

Here is how it works. As a couple you meet with a relationship expert I like to call a wisdom-giver.  In these sessions, you both explore the values, goals, and sanctity of this new marriage (or any love commitment).  You examine your individual and shared values. You learn how to speak in each other’s language of love, you learn how to plan, argue and build your love. All of this work is with the goal of being very clear about how you, as a team, can make this new and sacred relationship last for the long run.   Sometimes this wisdom-giver is the individual performing the ceremony (if one is planned).

In these meetings over several days, you get to explore, examine and share their expectations and dreams for the relationship. The wisdom giver is both your guide and coach through this exploration and planning.

Your relationship is considered to have a life of its own – it is a new entity, much like a newborn child. This new thing is brought to life by the two of you coming together. Goals are discussed and set, as are priorities that reflect your love and intent for surviving long into the far future.  Great care, love, and intention are brought to the effort of birthing this new relationship.

The Relationship Magna Carta

Once this work is done and you both are clear and in agreement as to what this new creation is going to look like and work, you craft a document.  This document is a ‘Magna Carta’ of sorts that clearly outlines your shared values, intents, and goals as committed partners in this new relationship.  It is a clear description of who you will be as individuals and as a team, and how you will make the relationship work.  How you will love, respect, argue, decide, share and care for the relationship.  Often marriage vows are derived from this comprehensive document.  The document is then given to an artist/calligrapher who creates a beautiful poster that is framed and hung in a prominent place in the home as a consistent reminder of how to make your love last and achieve your together goals.


The Business of Marriage & Relationships

Relationships, like any important commitment we make in our lives, do best and survive longest if we are clear about our goals and remain focused on a wisely conceived plan to minimizes pitfalls, and keep us focussed on the long game.

If you talk to any successful business owner, with rare exceptions, they will tell you their success came with a great deal of planning.  Prior to and early in the launch financial plans, budgets, marketing plans, strategic goals, corporate values, legal contracts, were all carefully considered, constructed, and implemented.  Regular meetings are held to discuss progress and plans, and the overall strategic plan helps to keeps these meetings focussed on the business’s goals.  This clear intentional planning is critical to the business flourishing over time.

Your marriage or relationship is no less important than a new business!

If you want to learn more about building a strategy to care for your relationship and how to live into your own Relationship Magna Carta, hop over to the Educational Article ‘The Business of Marriage.’